Turn Around and Notice Me

So I haven't written for a while...but I've been contemplating on what to write about next. I let Noel how I felt a few weeks ago and she took it really well and said she understood how I felt. Then we spent some time together and I got to help her pack for her two week trip out of the country. When I got home I felt great and I felt like we were back on track in our friendship...Then she came back home and I was so excited to see her and hear about her trip, but she blew me off for who knows who or what. Whatever, I don't know what to say about her anymore. I am however still planning on leaving this photo book I made of her and I at the end of the summer at her house, because I've been working on it for a while and well, I want to make her feel bad that she ditched me, the one who cared. Ya I know I'm mean, but at least I can admit it. I just wish people would look around them and notice who is following them every step of the way and caring for them and lending them a shoulder when they need one. Because we are the ones you can walk away from and turn your back to, and then you can come running back and turn your face to us and we'll still fucking be there for you and only you. We get so angry with you and so frustrated and swear we'll never talk to you again, but we can't let you get away no matter how badly we want to. And when you do decide to lean on our shoulders we feel like we successfully accomplished something, what I don't know, but something; something great. Then the whole thing happens over and over and over again. It sucks being the one who gets to see your back most of the time. I'm not even sure you know what my face looks like. No, I know you don't know what my face looks like, because if you did you'd never turn around.

Dumb Girls

So blogging is not as great as I thought it would be. Well it's great, I guess it's just not as helpful as I imagined it would be. I'm still pretty upset with the whole Noel and Lily thing and blogging about it hasn't made me feel any better. And things just seem to keep getting worse. Like last night I had small group with a group of girls, which included Noel. When I got to small group early, well at least I thought, everyone else has already been there for at least a half hour or so. So I'm already pretty upset and then they start talking about drinking and how they just want to know what their limit is and my small group leader, who is like 40 years old, agrees that that's a good idea. And let me just say we are not 21 years old and we should not be drinking. So I just sit there for a while saying nothing, cause I have nothing to say because I do not partake in under-age drinking. And the whole time I'm just thinking how dumb all of these girls are. I have way to much to lose to be involved in any of that nonsense, it's dumb and ridiculous. If any of them get caught they could get in big trouble. Ya I know I sound like a goody-too shoes, but under-age drinking is a dumb thing to do and I am not dumb. So anyways, by the time small group is done I've said like two words and no one even asks me if anything is okay or anything! Like wow thanks a lot for caring, especially you Noel. So now I've decided to never go to small group again, because what's the point if I don't learn anything except how dumb and stupid everyone else is?